They Never Saw Me….
They never saw me!!!
They never saw me when I tried to fit in, camouflaging myself to blend with them,
they never saw me.
They never saw me tearing inside, too young to understand the value of Self virtue, I guess I was too wounded from beating myself up,
“WHY DON’T YOU STAND-UP FOR YOURSELF”, Self would say on the daily.
They never saw me when I put on my best, face, laughing outside numb underneath.
They never saw me struggling to find joy in the midst of being an emotional toy–
get’n played with on the regular.
They never saw me turn a pillow into a roaring river;
They never counted one of my one hundred tears,
They never helped me figure out why I felt the urge to paint the wall with my own brain matter, calling it quits cause I didn’t think I mattered.
They never cared to see beyond what they wanted me to be!
They didn’t see the walls I built to shield my damaged psyche as they thought their jokes where funny– I hated being the punchline, “hahaha, he looks like______”;
“I’m fine” was my daily lie-n, they never saw, so I left them blind.
They never saw the pain from being made to feel shameful about being me.
They never saw my insecurities just the front’s I put up; pretending to be friendly when really I wanted to cut them deeper than I was hurting saying nothing to keep from bursting.
They didn’t see how the goofy clown I portrayed to be was just to contain the rage behind bars quite in a cage- silent but deadly.
They never saw how Jesus Christ saved my life more than once, living recklessly a life under the influence of liquor and blunts.
They never saw how My God brought me out of all this darkness into the bosom of his dear son.
But they will see me as I rise out of this mental pit they left me in.
They will see me as I bravely let my light shine without fear as I announce, “despite all your malicious tactics–
I’M STILL HERE”…..